It started with a feeling that gradually grew in strength.
It was kept in secret, but made into a goal,
Unaware of the overwhelming power of such resolve.
Days went on and and came a slap in the face;
It resulted in the form of three words—-
Words I held back.
Despite the denial, the desire only grew.
It became unsettling, for I knew it would be upsetting
For you to hear and for me to say.
But in spite of my better judgment, the words became known,
Although not all were uttered in one go.
I bit my tongue and they became
The words I was then holding back.
After a mutual agreement of friendship,
I thought that was the end.
I’ve only made it halfway through the block and by then I didn’t mind.
Until one day I realized you’ll soon be gone and I couldn’t just sit by
With the job just halfway done.
There was nothing left to lose.
I pluck up my remaining courage, and was met by a pleasant surprise.
Who would have thought that after all the sadness and confusion,
That it would all work out in the end?
It’s all thanks to you, for listening
To the words I’m no longer holding back.
Thank you.
In response to October 10, 2010
I was tired of thinking I’ll never be good enough
I was tired of saying: “He’ll never care.”
I was tired of always watching, and trying to get your attention.
I was tired of thinking about you.
I’ve said these things, and I made a pact to change it all and make it stop.
I’ve proven that I’m more than what you can see.
I’ve made it so that you care about me (even if it’s just a tiny bit).
I’ve made it so that you’ve at least watched the things I’ve done and do.
I’ve made it so that you say hi when I’m in the room.
I’ve made it so that you’ve thought about me, little by little.
I’ve gone through the brooding, wishing, and lazing around. I’ve fought and taken risks.
And now, we’re here.
From strangers to acquaintances.
From developing an awkward relationship to agreeing to be friends.
From hesitant conversations and a wave of a hand to spending time together and finally being friends.
From unrequited love to mutual respect.
I’ve gone through the awkward silences, the distraction of nervous heartbeat, and the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this would actually end up way.
I’m glad.
Thank you so much for giving me a chance and for being yourself. I was right from the very beginning. You are worth it.
Mission accomplished.
I started today
focused on keeping my mind calm,
my thoughts organized,
and all in all
mentally preparing myself.
It worked.
Unfortunately,
I forgot all about one thing:
Keeping my emotions intact.
So now, I’m back again.
Mentally prepared, but emotionally unhinged.
So true.